WHATEVER PEOPLE SAY I AM, THAT'S WHAT I AM NOT
1. VIEW FROM THE AFTERNOON
Anticipation has the habit to set you up
For disappointment in evening entertainment but
Tonight there¡¦ll be some love
Tonight there¡¦ll be a rawkus, regardless of what¡¦s gone before
I want to see all of the things that we¡¦ve already seen
The lairy girls hung out the window of the limousine
And of course its fancy dress
And they¡¦re all looking quite full on
In bunny ears and devil horns
I want to see all of the things that we¡¦ve already seen
I want to see you take the jackpot out the fruit machine
And put it all back in
You¡¦ve got to understand it you can never beat the bandit
And she won¡¦t be surprised and she won_t be shocked
When she¡¦s pressed the star after she_s pressed unlock
And there¡¦s verse and chapter sat in her inbox
And all that it says is that you¡¦ve drank a lot
You should bear that in mind tonight
You can pour your heart out but her reasoning will block
owt you send her after nine o clock
You can pour your heart out around 3 o clock
When the 2 for 1¡¦s undone the writers block
2. I BET YOU LOOK GOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR
Stop making the eyes at me, I'll stop making the eyes at you
And what it is that surprises me, is that I don't really want you to
And your shoulders are frozen, cold as the night
Over you're an explosion, you¡¦re dynamite
Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand
Lighting the fuse might result in a bang
I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
I don't know if you¡¦re looking for romance or...
I don't know what you¡¦re looking for
I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
I wish you'd stop ignoring me, because you're sending me to despair
Without a sound you¡¦re calling me, and I don't think it's very fair
That your shoulders are frozen, cold as the night
Oh you¡¦re an explosion, you¡¦re dynamite
Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand
Lighting the fuse might result in a bang
Oh there int no love no, Montague¡¦s or Capulets
just banging tunes in DJ sets and
Dirty dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness
3. FAKE TALES OF SAN FRANCISCO
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Echo through the room
More point to a wedding disco
Without a bride or groom
There's a super cool band yeah
With their trilbys and their glasses of white wine
And all the weekend rock stars in the toilets
Practicing their lines
I don't want to hear you
(Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you no
(Kick me out, kick me out)
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Echo through the air
And there's a few bored faces in the back
All wishing they weren't there
And as the microphone squeaks
A young girl's telephone beeps
Yeah she's dashing for the exit
she's running to the streets outside
"Oh you've saved me," she screams down the line
"The band weren¡¦t very good
And I'm not having a nice time¡¨
Yeah but his bird thinks it's amazing, though
So all that's left
Is the proof that love's not only blind but deaf
He talks of San Francisco, he's from Hunter's Bar
I don't quite know the distance
But I'm sure that's far
I'm sure that's pretty far
I'd love to tell you all my problem
You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham
So get off the bandwagon, and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
4. DANCING SHOES
Get on your dancing shoes
There's one thing on your mind
Hoping they¡¦re looking for you
Sure you'll be rummaging' through
And the shit, shock, horror
You've seen your future bride
Oh, but it's oh so absurd
For you to say the first word
So you're waiting and waiting
The only reason that you came
So what you scared for?
don't you always do the same
It's what you there for, don't you know
¡Kthe lights are flashing
Down in here tonight
And some might exchange a glance
But keep pretending to dance
Don't act like it's not happening
As if it¡¦s impolite
To go and mention your name
Instead you'll just do the same
As they all do, and hope for the best...
The only reason that you came
So what you scared for?
Well don't you always do the same
It's what you¡¦re there for but no
Get on your dancing shoes
You sexy little swine
Hoping they¡¦re looking for you
Sure you'll be rummaging through
Oh and the shit, shock, horror
You've seen your future bride
Oh, but it's oh so absurd
For you to say the first word
So you're waiting and waiting
5. YOU PROBABLY COULDN'T SEE FOR THE LIGHTS BUT YOU WERE STARING STRAIGHT AT ME
One look sends it coursing through the veins oh how the feeling races
Back up to their brains to form expressions on there stupid faces
They don't want to say hello
Like I want to say hello
Oh the heartbeats at its peak when you're coming up to speak
And I'm so tense, never tenser
Could all go a bit Frank Spencer?
I'm talking gibberish, tip of the tongue but I can't deliver it
...Properly, oh it¡¦s all getting on top of me
And if it weren't this dark you'd see how red my face has gone
Everybody's trying to crack the jokes and that to make you smile
Those that claim that they're not showing off are drowning in denial
They're not half as bad as me say anything and I'll agree
When it comes to acting up, I'm sure I could write the book
And now that you¡¦re more than a part in the play
It¡¦s slightly easier to think what to say
You had us all, standing on our heads
Doing our best tricks
Never again, will there be another one that's as desirable as you
6. STILL TAKE YOU HOME
It¡¦s ever so funny, I don¡¦t think you¡¦re special I don¡¦t think you¡¦re cool
You¡¦re just probably alreyt, but under these lights you look beautiful
But I¡¦m struggling, I can¡¦t see through your fake tan
And you know it for a fact that everybody¡¦s eating out of your hands
What do you know?
you know nothing
But I'll still take you home
Fancy seeing you in here, you're all tarted up and you don't look the same
I haven't seen you since last year and surprisingly you have forgot my name
But you know it and you knew it all along
Oh you say you have forgotten, but you're fibbing go on tell me I'm wrong
I fancy you with a passion, you're a Topshop princess, a rockstar too
You¡¦re a fad you¡¦re a fashion and I¡¦m having a job trying to talk to you
But it's alright, put it all on one-side,
everybody's looking, you¡¦ve got control of everyone's eyes
Including mine
7. RIOT VAN
Up rolled the riot van
And sparked excitement in the boys
But the policemen look annoyed
Perhaps these are ones they should avoid
They got a chase last night from men with truncheon¡¦s dressed in hats
They didn¡¦t do that much wrong, still ran away though for the laugh
¡§Please just stop talking
Because they won¡¦t find us if you do
Oh those silly boys in blue
Well they won¡¦t catch me and you¡¨
¡§Have you been drinking son, you don¡¦t look old enough to me¡¨
¡§I¡¦m sorry officer is there a certain age you¡¦re supposed to be?¡K nobody told me¡¨
Up rolled the riot van
And these lads just wind the coppers up
Ask why they don¡¦t catch proper crooks
Get their address and their name¡¦s took
But they couldn¡¦t care less
He got thrown in the riot van
And all the coppers kicked him in
And there was no way he could win
Just had to take it on the chin
8. RED LIGHT INDICATES DOORS ARE SECURE
Ask if we can have six in, if not we'll have to have 2
You're coming up our end aren't you? So I'll get one with you
Oh won't he let us have six in? especially not with the food
He coulda just told us no though, he dint have to be rude
See her in the green dress? She talked to me at the bar
How come its already two pound fifty? We've only gone about a yard
Dint ya see she were gorgeous, she was beyond belief
But this lad at the side drinking a Smirnoff ice came and paid for her tropical Reef
And I'm sitting going backwards, and I didn't want to leave
Its high green mate, via hillsborough please
How funny was that sketch earlier, up near that taxi rank
Oh no you will have missed it, think it was when you went to the bank
These two lads squaring up proper shouting, bout who was next in the queue The kind of thing that would seem so silly but not when they've both had a few
Calm down temper temper, you shouldn_t get so annoyed
You_re acting like a silly little boy
They wanted to be men and do some fighting in the street
No surrender, no chance of retreat
Drunken plots hatched to jump it, ask around are ya sure?
Went for it but the red light was showing
And the red light indicates doors are secured
9. MARDY BUM
Now then Mardy Bum
I see your frown
And it's like looking down the barrel of a gun
And it goes off
And out come all these words
Oh there's a very pleasant side to you
A side I much prefer
It's one that laughs and jokes around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on
Well now then Mardy Bum
Oh I'm in trouble again, aren't I?
I thought as much
Cause you turned over there
Pulling that silent disappointment face
The one that I can't bear
Can't we laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on
Yeah I'm sorry I was late
Well I missed the train
And then the traffic was a state
And I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate
That reoccurs, oh when you say I don't care
Well of course I do, yeah I clearly do!
So laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Still it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on
10. PERHAPS VAMPIRES IS A BIT STRONG BUT...
I¡¦ve seen your eyes as they fix on me what is he doing what on earth is the
Plan has he got one
You better give me some pointers since you are the big rocket launcher and
I_m just the shot gun,
I ant got no dollar signs in my eyes that might be a surprise but its true
I_m not like you and I don_t want your advice or your praise or to move in
The ways you do
All you people are vampires
All your stories are stale
Though you pretend to stand by us
Though you're certain we'll fail
I've seen you're eyes as they fix on me full of confusion your snarl is just
So condescending
Trying to explain that we're on to a win if the fee we get in near recoups
What we're spending
He said I can't believe that you drove all that way well how much did they
Pay ya how much did they pay ya, You'd have been better to stay round our Way
Thinking about things but not actually doing things
11. WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN
Who's that girl there?
I wonder what went wrong
So that she had to roam the streets
She dunt do major credit cards
I doubt she does receipts
It's all not quite legitimate
And what a scummy man
Just give him half a chance
I bet he'll rob you if he can
Can see it in his eyes,
That he's got a driving ban
Amongst some other offences
And I've seen him with girls of the night
And he told Roxanne to put on her red light
It¡¦s all infected but he'll be alright
Cause he's a scumbag, don't you know
I said he's a scumbag, don't you know!
Although you're trying not to listen
Overt your eyes and staring at the ground
She makes a subtle proposition
¡§Sorry love I'll have to turn you down¡¨
He must be up to something
What are the chances sure it¡¦s more than likely
I've got a feeling in my stomach
I start to wonder what his story might be
They said it changes when the sun goes down
Around here
Look here comes a Ford Mondeo
Isn't he Mister Inconspicuous?
And he don't have to say 'owt
She¡¦s in the stance ready to get picked up
Bet she's delighted when she sees him
Pulling in and giving her the eye
Because she must be fucking freezing
Scantily clad beneath the clear night sky
it doesn't stop in the winter, no
Around here
They said it changes when the sun goes down
Over the river going out of town
What a scummy man
Just give him half a chance
I bet he'll rob you if he can
Can see it in his eyes that he's got a nasty plan
I hope you're not involved at all
12. FROM THE RITZ TO THE RUBBLE
Last night these two bouncers
And one of em's alright
The other one's the scary one
His way or no way, totalitarian
He's got no time for you
Looking or breathing
How he dosen¡¦t want you to
So step out the queue
He makes examples of you
And there's nowt you can say
Behind they go through to the bit where you pay
And you realize then that it's finally the time
To walk back past ten thousand eyes in the line
And you can swap jumpers and make another move
Instilled in your brain you've got something to prove
To all the smirking faces and the boys in black
Why can't they be pleasant?
Why can't they have a laugh?
He's got his hand in your chest
He wants to give you a duff
Well secretly I think they want it all to kick off
They want, arms flying everywhere and
Bottles as well it's just
Something to talk about
A story to tell you
Well I'm so glad they turned us all away we'll put it down to fate
I thought a thousand million things that I could never think this morning
Got too deep, but how deep is too deep?
This town's a different town today
This town's a different town to what it was last night
You couldn't have done that on a Sunday
That girl's a different girl today
That girl's a different girl to her you kissed last night
You couldn't have done that on a Sunday
Last night what we talked about
It made so much sense
But now the haze has ascended
It don't make no sense anymore
13. A CERTAIN ROMANCE
Well oh they might wear classic Reeboks
Or knackered Converse
Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks
But all of that's what the point is not
The point's that there isn¡¦t no romance around there
And there's the truth that they can't see
They'd probably like to throw a punch at me
And if you could only see them, then you would agree
Agree that there isn¡¦t no romance around there
it's a funny thing you know
We'll tell them if you like
We'll tell them all tonight
They'll never listen
Cause their minds are made up
And course it's all okay to carry on that way
Over there there's broken bones
There's only music, so that there's new ringtones
And it doesn¡¦t take no Sherlock Holmes
To see it's a little different around here
Don't get me wrong though there's boys in bands
And kids who like to scrap with pool cues in their hands
And just cause he's had a couple of cans
He thinks it's alright to act like a dickhead
Well over there there's friends of mine
What can I say, I've known them for a long long time
And they might overstep the line
But you just cannot get angry in the same way | 
